Book of Secrites
by KannaKyomu
Summary: There's only so many times you can hold it in. Only so many times before it catches up to you.


"I dont think i know how to deal with this anymore." Kagome whispered to herself in remorse. It had been a long time now she decided, too long. They were her friends, and yet... they wernt. After all, how can you be friends with someone you dont really know. It had been a long time ago, that she had been young. Innocent. She used to let people know, let people inn, well in most cases, Houjo and the girls from long ago didnt count she reconned to herself.

And... Inuyasha... oh, how he could make her stomach twist and turn and dance for him. She looked up sharply with an intake of the late night air from her window. it had been so long sence she had thought of her fudal era friends. Ever sence the well had closed and the tama compleat. Now a senior in high school, Kagome had done her best to move on, and forget. You would think it would be hard, but it wasnt, it scared her just how easy it was to let go... and yet, not at the same time, always on her heart but never on her mind.

She looked to the sky one last time, noteing how the stars were so.. sad.

"I need to get to sleep.. school.." she muttered to herself as she closed the window shuting the thick curtins and climed into her bed.

The room was dark she noted with unease, the outlines of her furniture showed. A desk, a chair, her lamp, a shelf, some books here and there. And here as she slipped into sleep she realized just how lonely she was.. but she let the thought go, and burried it deep.

And on her desk under a pile of books writen in a small notebook were the words she had just engraved into her heart.

A bird chriped and Kagome rolled over. Again and then another untill a chorise of tiny bird voices rose and rang through kagome's head. Finaly, flinging her comforter off the bed with a huff she stared at the stupid alarm clock her brother had gotten for her last chrismas. The thing was a giant dancling yellow... "Chokobo" her brother had called it. She called it a mutant chicken. the thing was suposed to, "wake you to a beautiful mellody of early morning birds, with five to chose from, who could go wrong?" or so the box said.

Still, how she hated the thing. but for her brother she calmly pressed the OFF button and made her way to the bathroom to ready hersef for another morning.

Ten minutes later Kagome was kissing her little brothers head and scrammbling out the door. The walk was lame. it always was to her, concreat, more concreat, maybe a tree or too but not much nature to see. the school grounds were only a few minutes away from the shrine, and were much more intresting than the walk. Trees lined the walkway to the front doors, and the grass was always green and inviting.

"Hey! Kagome over here!" Kagome smiled a broad and happy smile that she didnt feel like smileing, and ran up to meet with her.. non-friends but something of the sort type people. 'Well thats a mouthful' Kagome thought.

"Good Morning Kayko." she greeted. Next to her Yusuke made a big show of yawning and waved his hand infront of his face as if to cover the yawn. Kayko elbowed him.

"Stop that!" she hissed. and as another argument started between the couple Kagome zoned them out.

"Good Morning" a soft voice greeted from behind her, of course, Kagome had already know of his aproach, but to seem like a normal human, kagome jumped with well practiced suprise. She turned to see Suichii behind her.

"oh, good morning, you shouldnt sneak up on people like that."

"i'm sorry miss Kagome." he apologized.

With a sudeness that really did suprise her the bell for class to start in five tolled loudly. she looked up to see Suichi smiling.

"ready to go?" he was refering to their first class of the day, art with Luna Sensei. Luna was a strange woman to put nicely, a Gaijin from somewhere, she wore bright colors and always spoke as if it was still the 16 hundreds. kinda like shakespear, Kagome figured. But the woman was kind, and always willing to lend a hand to those who were willing to follow her simple standards. be kind, dont run with sicers, do your asinments when you get them; ect.

"yea." Kagome grabbed her things almost droping her little poetry notebook to the ground. She loved the book with all her being, so always kept it close. Inuyasha had made it for her it was made of leather with old rice paper notes to write on. When the well had closed in Kagomes missery she sliced the word 'ALONE' into the cover.

Suichi noted it but didnt say anything. he had always been a good.. er, friend like that. never prying although she knew he wanted to. Him and the little aparation that followed him around. But she never mentioned anything.

"Kagome?" She looked up having realized she had been so lost in her thoughs that she didnt register that they had already seated themselves in class. Suichi next to her had been the one to call to her attention.

"I'm sorry, i didnt mean to phase out there.." she apologized.

"Its quite alright" he said as the last bell rang for class to start.

And then to the missery of all, a substitue came strolling in. He sat himself in Miss Lunas chair and pulled out a book, then looking up as if sudenly realizing there were children in the class. he said absently,

"You guys do.. whatever it is you do.. your artsy stuff or whatever." Kagome felt a little dismay at this. For she knew what was coming, Lazy teacher Suichi's jelous fanclub tourtuing her. They had never let it go that she had gotten the chair next to him.

People scrambled around collecting paints, clay some just sitting looking stupid.

The leader of the fan club. Yuki she remembered walked by her desk and snatched up her Alone Notebook as she called it. the other girls giggled bisde her.

"oh my! Whats this?! Love Poems Little bird? Lets read! I think we all diserve to hear!" the girl was obnoxsious and kagome had to restrain herself to keep from frying her and snatching the book back. She tried for the book anyways, but missed as the others held her back. if only Suichi hadnt been so emmersed in his work, if only the apparation had decided to set the class on fire from his tree... if only Inuyasha...

The yuki girl stood ontop of a desk and porcalimed loudly to the class.

"Kagome here has decided to volunteer his diary for us today!" the group looked up, including Suichi who glanced at the tree. Kagome felt the firmilar telipathic conncection that signalled they were conversing.

The girl in the pretty cloths with the beautiful hair and a face to die for cleared her throat and begain to read as kagome begain to feel her world come down.. her house of cards so meticulously placed.. her secrets held within secrets... her ommission.

_"Just How far back do I need to go,_

_ Tell me..._

_ Its all so vivid that it hurts,_

_ The truth is nothing that can be shared..._

_ So i never looked back,_

_ Falling into a light sleep,_

_ all those promises i dont carry out,_

_ inside me eventually..._

_ Gave up on that light from some other time_

_ Like the light of a morning you cant return to..."_

There was silence for a moment, then a screaching laughted that rang from the girls

"Read another! Read another!" one called. so the beautiful girl flipped through the pages untill she came to the one that had just been writen last night.

_"This one has yesterdays date on it lets see how sad she is now! Lets see who our little bird really is!"_

_ "I feel like it'll dissapear..._

_ the moment I look away..._

_ I just kept counting,_

_ all the many traces of loneliness..._

_ That I'd vomited up._

_ In this time that seem so dry..._

_ my heart is thrashing around and drowing.._

_ It takes those lies that make my head spin,_

_ and tears them to pieaces._

_ And the place I lose myway in,_

_ is a dim,_

_ hazy,_

_ world."_

Everyone stoped.. there were no words, but the room could feel the tempriture drop. Kagomes mind screamed in pain. but her face only showed her controlled anger toward the girl on the desk.. who had Kagomes heart in her hands. Unwillingly, kagomes powers flard to life she felt Suichi step back into his desk and stare at her. But she hardly noticed, her powers had taken action and connected with the apparation in the tree outside, it invaded his mind fought him back as he violently reacted, then finaly pulled him into her mind and shutting him half in himself, half in her.

She shared his pain, and he shared hers their lives were one and she felt as if maybe something had just compleated itself, as if destiny had just slapped her in the face. Her mind mingled with Hiei's, his name she knew not where it came from only that she knew it, knew him. And in a second that was only and eternity, only in a haze, a dream, She was the happiest she had ever been in her life...

She gasped and sat bolt upright clinging to the sensation; clinging to the man she was destined to love. but she only felt his ghost now, but he was there she knew, it had not been a dream, it was her destiny alarm clock.

"Stupid thing is worse than the chicken clock." she grummbled

"Be glad i give you the chance to change not only your future, but maybe anothers as well..." Kagome looked around.. okay, camp fire, sleeping shippo, drooling Miroku, shnuffling Sango. and a gardian.. er dog sleeping in a tree high above.

"who said that.." she wondered out loud to herself.. Inuyasha craked an eye open.

"go to sleep wench. there isent anything out there I would know." Kagome snorted to herself but ploped back down anyways.

"what a.. sad.. dream.. but it felt so real.." was Kagomes last words as sleep took her again.

**END**

I tryed to make it seem surreal.

well its 3am and i have school in the morning. Speaking of three AM there's a fanfic author named that, you should cheak her out her stuff is pretty neato.

ja ne...


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